The best part of politics: because they're all screwing us anyway.

Friday, June 03, 2005

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Inspired by JurassicPork's list of chicken-crossing explanations, I decided to write my own. Not all of them are dirty, but I think enough of them are to warrant posting here and besides, a little general political humor never hurt anyone.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Zell Miller: It was armed with spitballs!

John McCain: It was a maverick and didn't want to stay on one side all the time.

A red-stater: Because it hates America.

A blue-stater: It's going to Canada! Go, chicken, go!

Bush: To join the Axis of Fowl.

Lynndie England: I don't know, but I'm pointing at its penis!

Michael Moore: Because it wanted to invade Afghanistan so it could build an oil pipleline.

John Kerry: I voted for the resolution providing funding for the chicken to cross the road before I voted against it.

John Edwards: There are two Americas, and the chicken was trying to cross from one America into the other.

Jenna Bush: Maybe it was drunk, like me.

Bernie Kerik: To meet its lover in its apartment overlooking Ground Zero.

Bill Clinton: It depends on what the definition of 'chicken' is.

Bill Frist: It was trying to filibuster, and I want to stop it from using the filibuster to discriminate against people of faith.

Tom DeLay: Why would you suggest that the chicken was paid by lobbyists to cross the road?

W. Mark Felt: It was on its way to break into the Democratic headquarters.

John Ashcroft: I don't know, but naked chickens are indecent, and I think we should cover it with a drape. I also think we should look at its library records and medical records just in case.

Tom Ridge: A chicken has crossed the road? Raise the Escaped Poultry alert to yellow!

Jerry Falwell: Clearly, the chicken is promoting the homosexual agenda and must be stopped.

James Dobson: It was on its way to a gay orgy with Sponge Bob Square Pants.

Dick Cheney: It was going to an undisclosed location.

Osama bin Laden: Because it was an infidel! Death to chickens!

Condi Rice: I believe the title of the memo was, "Chicken Determined to Crosss Road within United States."

Baghdad Bob: There is no chicken! The chicken is just a lie made up by the Americans! There are no chickens entering Baghdad right now!

Hans Blix: The chicken did not possess weapons of mass destruction.

Robert Novak: The chicken was a secret CIA agent.


A suicide bomber: It was on its way to become a martyr and get 72 virgin chickens in heaven.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: It was a girly chicken!

Paul Wolfowitz: The chicken was trying to spread freedom and democracy around the world.

Bill O'Reilly: It was entering a No-Spin Zone.

Ted Kennedy: Looks like it's headed toward that lake over there.

Al Gore: I invented the chicken. And I want to put it in a lockbox.

Tom Coburn: Chickens who crossed the road should be punished by the death penalty. Even though I crossed the road myself a few times when I was younger.

Swift Boat Chickens for Truth: The chicken never really went to Cambodia like it claimed to, and it didn't deserve any of its Purple Hearts.

Abu Musab al-Zarqawi: Who cares why the chicken crossed the road? I'm going to cut its head off!

Newsweek: Our anonymous source told us that the chicken was flushing the Koran down the toilet.

Rick Santorum: If you start letting chickens cross the road, next thing you know it'll be chicken-on-dog!

Jim West: Of course the chicken wasn't out looking for gay younger chickens--the chicken isn't gay, and neither am I.

David Hager: I didn't see a chicken--I was too busy raping my wife in the ass.


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