The best part of politics: because they're all screwing us anyway.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Nice to know

Gay activist Michelangelo Signorile heard about a candidate for the Supreme Court who sounded quite similar to Jim West:

"There was a contender for the federal judiciary in the George W. Bush administration who I began receiving information ... about him making sexual advances on men in gyms in Washington and other cities," Signorile told us Friday. Immediately after sex, "he would ... go into a religious tirade and then tell them how morally wrong all this was. His record was really conservative."

Some people like to smoke after sex, but that's going a little far...

So Signorile let the White House know, and while they never returned his calls, Mr. Closet "was just quietly no longer a contender!"

Which is good: a 100% white-bread boring guy like Roberts is bad enough, but a closeted homophobe would have been even worse. Can you even imagine if he had run into Scalia or Thomas after work at the gym?


  • At 3:10 PM, Blogger Michael J. West said…

    Actually, I am really enjoying the prospect of Mr. Closet running into Tony Scalia at the gym. "So, Your Honor, is that a gavel underneath your robe or are you happy to see me?"

  • At 3:26 PM, Blogger Boinkette said…

    You're right, that would be pretty amusing! That reminds me of an article I read once about a judge who was caught masturbating under his robe...I wonder if I can dig that up.

  • At 3:31 PM, Blogger Boinkette said…

    Just found it--here it is:

  • At 4:48 PM, Blogger Michael J. West said…

    Jurors and others in Judge Donald Thompson's courtroom kept hearing a strange whooshing noise, like a bicycle pump or maybe a blood pressure cuff. During one trial, Thompson seemed so distracted that some jurors thought he was playing a hand-held video game or tying fly-fishing lures behind the bench.

    Best. Lead. Paragraph. EVER!

  • At 4:57 PM, Blogger Boinkette said…

    "Playing a hand-held video game" that's what they call it these days!

    It reminds me of Austin Powers and his Swedish-made penis enlarger. "That's not mine, baby, I swear!"


Post a Comment

<< Home