Boinkette

Politician porn!

2006-11-07T03:16:00.000-05:00

Not only has Jim Webb written porn, but so have a bunch of other politicians.

Now that's what I call dirty politics.

Fun with typos

2006-11-07T03:12:00.000-05:00

If more politicians tried this, maybe we wouldn't have such low voter turnout among young people:

In what could be the funniest political blunder since Dan Quayle's sixth grade "spelling lesson," Mayor Saundra Naifeh of Edmond, Oklahoma, and a team of volunteers recently handed out 22,000 fliers aimed at discouraging underage drinking with a "helpful" phone number at the bottom for ratting out drinking parties. It was all part of her town's contribution to Make A Difference Day, a national campaign "to help neighbors and the community," and what a difference they made. You see, the number that actually got printed on the fliers was for a phone sex line offering callers "exciting live talk" for 99 cents to $2.99 per minute. As exciting as reporting underage drinking can be, I don't think that was her intention.

Hey, phone sex is my favorite way to fight underage drinking. It's simple: if teens are having phone sex, they won't be drinking!

Don't forget to vote!

2006-11-07T03:02:00.000-05:00

It's election day, and you know what that means--time to go into a little booth, pull the curtain shut, and then pull the lever. Pull it hard.

Bush sniffs, the, err, bush

2006-09-13T01:59:00.000-04:00

I really don't need that image in my head. Please, God.

Hey all...

2006-08-31T02:05:00.000-04:00

Sorry I haven't posted in a ridiculously long time. I haven't stopped being dirty minded, but I've just been busy.

Apparently Osama Bin Laden has a crush on Whitney Houston, according to his former sex slave. Fun stuff. When I'm not so tired, maybe I will come up with something amusing to say about Osama's sex life...

Isn't this something Clinton should be doing?

2006-04-27T00:36:00.000-04:00

"I've found the weapons of mass seduction!"

I don't want to know what Bush is about to do

2006-04-27T00:33:00.000-04:00

But I think he's already screwed the country enough, we don't need it with a wooden paddle too.

Bill Clinton, the joke that never stops giving

2006-04-27T00:29:00.000-04:00

Now that his presidential portrait's unveiled, he is of course well hung.

But wait, there's more!

While many liked Hillary’s pose, some of the same people said Bill’s “Inside the Beltway” portrait looked very unpresidential.

I did not go inside the beltway with that woman...

Oh God, I just had to post

2006-02-03T00:29:00.000-05:00

The Republicans just elected a guy named Boehner as their new House majority leader.

Apparently (at least according to Jon Stewart) it's pronounced "Baner," but it's still hilarious.

And the Times managed to use the word "package" in the second sentence of its article:

Mr. Boehner packaged himself as the reform candidate, methodically distancing himself from Representative Tom DeLay, the hard-driving former majority leader identified with both ethics investigations and a searingly partisan manner.

Hard-driving? Uh-huh.

Mama mia

2006-01-29T17:54:00.000-05:00

From the Boston Globe:

ROME --Premier Silvio Berlusconi has promised Italians he would lower taxes and raise pensions. His latest campaign pledge is rather personal: no sex until April 9 elections, an Italian newspaper reported Sunday.

Il Giornale, a conservative Milan daily owned by Paolo Berlusconi, the premier's brother, reported that the no-sex vow was made during a campaign rally in Cagliari, Sardinia, on Saturday with a popular TV preacher on the island and his followers.

The clergyman, Rev. Massimiliano Pusceddu, praised the premier for what he described as a defense of family values and promised that his followers would support the conservative leader because "if the left wins it will be the moral end for this country."

"Let me give you my blessing," the priest was quoted as saying.

Berlusconi replied, smiling, according to Il Giornale: "Dear Father Massimiliano. I thank you a lot. I will try to meet your expectations, and I promise from now on, 2 1/2 months of absolute sexual abstinence, until April 9."

Berlusconi's challenger in the vote is Romano Prodi, a center-left leader and former premier.

Where did Berlusconi get this idea? Maybe he read the first George Bush's lips wrong when he said "Read my lips, no new taxes"...

How come I didn't think of this?

2006-01-24T18:49:00.000-05:00

George Clooney is quite perceptive:

The Clooney-Abramoff flap started when George made a crude joke about Jack on the internationally televised Golden Globes.

"Who would name their kid Jack with the last words 'off' at the end of your last name? No wonder that guy is screwed up," Clooney quipped as he accepted the best supporting actor award.

Perhaps Abramoff could use this shirt:

Headline of the Day

2005-12-08T00:10:00.000-05:00

Cheney resists pullout pressure

Gotta love the Drudge Report

2005-12-04T00:26:00.000-05:00

That sure is a firm stance:

Best headline ever

2005-12-04T00:06:00.000-05:00

I know, it's not political, but it amuses the hell out of me:

Sales of Impotence Drugs Fall, Defying Expectations

The numbers make sense, but shouldn't it be the other way around?

2005-12-03T19:00:00.000-05:00

Wow

2005-11-22T02:06:00.000-05:00

And I thought Laura Bush was the only person having sex with a dummy....

Teen's Mannequin Love-In

A teenager has been charged with indecent exposure after he was caught trying to have sex with a female mannequin on display at an arts centre.

Security guards found Michael Plentyhorse, 18, sprawled with the dummy on the floor with his trousers and pants down.

Police spokesman Loren McManus said: "There was inappropriate activity between him and the mannequin.

"That's the only way I know how to put it."

Guards said they had noticed several times before that the dummy's clothes had been removed at the centre in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, US.

If convicted, Plentyhorse may be registered as a sex offender.

Hope Matchan, of the prosecutors' department, said: "People might say it's relatively harmless.

"But I certainly would want to know if this person was my neighbour."

Even more headlines

2005-11-19T14:14:00.000-05:00

If there's one good thing the Iraq war has done, it's provided an awful lot of headlines that make immature people like me laugh (via Pandagon's resident "porn liberal" Amanda):

Heading toward a pressured and premature pullout?

Withdrawal mania

Headline of the Day

2005-11-19T03:59:00.000-05:00

Uproar in House as Parties Clash on Pullout

Yeah, pulling out usually does cause an uproar.

Although I don't think the article was referring to the kind of house or parties where such things usually take place...

Oh-so-quotable quote of the day

2005-11-19T03:55:00.000-05:00

"It's kind of like virginity. It is hard to get back."
--Pollster John Zogby on President Bush regaining public trust

Except that losing your virginity doesn't usually lead to thousands of soldiers and Iraqi civilians dead...then again, you never know with some people.

"Oh Dick, give it to me!"

2005-11-18T00:37:00.000-05:00

I guess he's going to make use of that long, hard autumn after all.

Oh, the mental trauma.

Getting ready for some fun?

2005-11-18T00:35:00.000-05:00

I don't think I want to know where this is headed.

Take it off...or, um, not

2005-11-18T00:32:00.000-05:00

Exposing Bush should be a lot more fun than this...

Well, whatever floats your boat

2005-11-18T00:29:00.000-05:00

But Richard Cohen's idea of a turn-on doesn't quite do it for me:

It would be nice, fitting and pretty close to sexually exciting if Bush somehow acknowledged his mistakes and said he had learned from them.

Coming out of my blog hibernation....

2005-11-18T00:24:00.000-05:00

Because I just couldn't resist this one:

The Long, Hard Autumn of Dick Cheney

Yuck. That's one season I would not want to be on the receiving end of. Talk about torture.

Got wood, eh?

2005-11-04T01:42:00.000-05:00

Via Wonkette, from today's White House briefing on Air Force One:

Q Will you have any time to talk to the Canadians about soft lumber?

ASSISTANT SECRETARY SHANNON: We always talk to the Canadians about soft lumber.

Perhaps he thought the ad said, "Talk to Canada to find out if Levitra is right for you."

She's got it

2005-10-24T00:11:00.000-04:00

Representative Linda Sanchez of California made some very astute remarks at the Funniest Celebrity in Washington Contest:

"Top Ten Reasons I Don't Date Republicans" by Linda Sanchez
10. The only time they believe in fiscal restraint is when the dinner bill comes.
9. His idea of getting to second base is fondling my stock portfolio.
8. He thinks that Emily's List is a call girl service.
7. His idea of oral stimulation is getting me to recite the Contract with America.
6. He thinks that white pantyhose and pearls are sexy--and you should see what he wants me to wear.
5. Because when Republicans say that they want to create opportunities for minorities, that means they want to date me and [her sister] Loretta.
4. Despite all the hype, I still can't find his weapon of mass destruction.
3. His pending prison term for political corruption is just another excuse for him to be emotionally unavailable.
2. Republicans are only interested in screwing the poor.
1. Because they make love like they make war: they lie to get in and don't have a plan for what to do once they get there.

Ooh, money

2005-10-23T03:12:00.000-04:00

Now if only I could actually see some of it...

My blog is worth $15,242.58.
How much is your blog worth?

Methinks they doth protest too much

2005-10-20T09:06:00.000-04:00

But stopping the leak is a noble cause....

Got wood?

2005-10-11T13:21:00.000-04:00

It looks like Bush does.

Now when some guys say "She's such a doll," they're not joking...

2005-10-11T13:17:00.000-04:00

My only question: when will there be a John Edwards version?

Headline of the Day

2005-10-09T03:30:00.000-04:00

Jurassic Pork found this headline on Americablog:

NYT: Bush has to do Miers alone

Well, better than doing her with Cheney, I say. Any marriage counselor can tell you presidential threesomes are a no-no.

Funny, that's the same thing Clinton said

2005-10-07T18:08:00.000-04:00

Rove Assured Bush He Was Not Leaker

Wow

2005-10-07T12:49:00.000-04:00

It's not just me!

Apparently someone at Urban Dictionary thinks the same way I do:

Logrolling

Masturbation. Exclusively masturbation of men or boys, since "log" is another word for penis.

Phone sex convo between two gay male politicians:

Gay Politician 1: Maybe later we can go back to my place and I can take your census.
Gay Politician 2: Only if you'll filibuster.
Gay Politician 1: Reapportion me, baby
Gay Politician 2: Oh I'll do it, you carpetbagger.
Gay Politician 1: Porkbarrel me!
Gay Politician 1: There's some logrolling going on... IN MY PANTS.
Gay Politician 2: You want PROPORTIONAL REPRESENTATION?
Gay Politician 1: I think I have a majority of your ass.
Gay Politician 2: Oh man, I think I just lost my seat.
Gay Politician 1: I'm about to incumbent!
Gay Politician 2: Errg. Oh YEAH! This session of congress is now over.
Gay Politician 1: Care to adjourn, then?
Gay Politician 2: I just did.
Gay Politician 1: Can we call a special session?
Gay Politician 2: As long as you give me your soft money.

Source: Mark H, Aug 17, 2004

What is it with these storms?

2005-09-30T00:44:00.000-04:00

Yes, there is a typhoon named Longwang.

I'll leave the dirty jokes up to Mr. Sun and his commenters.

Baaad mental image

2005-09-27T21:00:00.000-04:00

Courtesy of Wonkette:

That's an, um, interesting looking hurricane

2005-09-22T16:25:00.000-04:00

Americablog sure got it right with the title of their post: Is that a hurricane in your pocket?

Clinton, er, goes down in history

2005-09-22T13:10:00.000-04:00

Wow.

BEIJING -- A new line of condoms is grabbing headlines in China even as its sparks a debate about trademark law and promotion campaigns. The products' brand names: "Clinton" and "Lewinsky."

The condoms are sold in boxes of 12, with the brand named after former President Bill Clinton priced at $3.70 and that of former White House intern Monica Lewinsky at $2.25.

I guess she's just, um, cheap...

Guangzhou Haojian Bioscience Co. said it registered both trademarks and is pricing the brands differently to reflect the higher quality of the Clinton line.

"We chose the name because we think Clinton is a symbol of success and a man of responsibility. And Lewinsky is a woman who dares to love and dares to hate," said Liu Wenhua, the company's general manager.

More like dares to blow, but whatever floats your boat.

"We haven't told Clinton about this yet, but maybe you could help us find him," Liu added. "We'd like to tell him how respected he is in China, so we can boost his confidence and help his career."

Yeah, I'm sure he would love that.

I don't even know what kind of joke to make, because the joke about goverment being like a condom (stands up to inflation, gives you a sense of security while you're really being screwed, etc) is so old that I just can't go there. I'll just let the story speak for itself.

Remember that pervert judge?

2005-09-21T20:05:00.000-04:00

Well, his trial's still going on:

BRISTOW, Okla. --Jurors hearing the case against a former judge accused of exposing himself in his Creek County courtroom will be allowed to see the sex toy at the center of the state's allegations, a judge ruled Tuesday in rejecting a defense motion.

They also can hear testimony that a second "penis pump" was seen under former District Judge Donald Thompson's bench, among other evidence Thompson's attorneys sought to have barred from next week's scheduled trial.

Now that sure makes jury duty more fun than usual.

I wish I lived in New York

2005-09-21T20:03:00.000-04:00

Because I'd love to support their mayoral candidate:

Wow...I'm glad they don't do this in America

2005-09-19T22:25:00.000-04:00

Because I sure wouldn't want to have seen Kerry streaking after Bush won:

WELLINGTON, New Zealand --A Green Party lawmaker who pledged to run naked through the streets if a rival party leader was re-elected said he will honor his word.

Legislator Keith Locke, the Green Party's foreign affairs spokesman, said Monday he didn't want to break an election promise.

He had said he would do the nude dash if rightist Act Party leader Rodney Hide won a parliamentary seat in the Aukland suburb of Epsom. Regarded as an outside chance, Hide romped home in the contest Saturday with a 3,200-vote majority.

Here, politicians may be dicks, but at least they don't show them.

I don't think John Tierney meant it quite this way

2005-09-17T03:12:00.000-04:00

But the title of his latest column sure sounds like it's about Bill Clinton:

Going (Down) by the Book

In case you were wondering what the Rapex looks like

2005-09-16T02:14:00.000-04:00

Here it is.

Well, nature calls even the leader of the free world

2005-09-14T22:42:00.000-04:00

And when that happens, he turns to Condi:

Yes, you could call it that

2005-09-14T12:52:00.000-04:00

From the Globe:

Activists push hard on gay marriage ahead of Wednesday vote

Rude Pundit comes up with the grossest possible scenario yet again

2005-09-10T21:47:00.000-04:00

From his vision of the 9/11 "Freedom Walk" commemoration:

Yep, all that meat will be laced with love doves, and just as the Freedom Walkers begin to feel that heat course through their bodies, as the Army Marching Band blares "America the Beautiful," Dick and Lynne Cheney will appear and begin to fuck madly on the stage, with Dick yellin', "Lemme slam my jumbo jet into your Foggy Bottom of love." Donald Rumsfeld'll bring out a model of the Twin Towers and shove them into Condi's asshole and cooz, the Secretary of State wearing nothing but Ferragamo shoes, shrieking in toothy orgasm as Rumsfeld tries to desperately masturbate onto Condi's hair. This'll be a signal for the real freedom to begin: the clothes'll start bein' ripped off as everyone begins to writhe in the blood and meat spilled all over the ground of the National Mall, fellating and rimming and muff diving and fucking hard and fucking soft and fucking for God, for country, for Bush, all for freedom, man, all for the victims, all for the troops, all, all for lettin' freedom fuckin' ring.

Slam his jumbo jet into her Foggy Bottom of love? That's certainly a new one.

Neal Horsley, take note

2005-09-10T17:37:00.000-04:00

Ouch.

San Francisco - A man died of internal injuries from sex with a stallion at a ranch used by a bestiality ring, police in the northwestern United States state of Washington said on Monday.

The man suffered fatal trauma while being sodomised by a stallion at a stud farm that catered to men who wanted sex with animals, Enumclaw Police Commander Eric Sortland told AFP.

If he wanted to have sex with animals, why didn't he just find a Republican? (Kidding, kidding...well, sort of...)

...A cache of hundreds of hours of videotaped man-on-beast sex sessions was found hidden in a field, Sortland said.

The animals kept at the farm included ponies, horses, goats, sheep and dogs, according to the police commander.

Uh, that sure gives a new meaning to "My Little Pony."

Images of the flock of offerings on the bestial dude ranch were relayed over the internet and records indicate men had come from throughout the United States, according to police.

"Unfortunately, these people were very diligent in filming their activities," Sortland said of a viewing task detectives have found unpleasant.

Maybe they should hire Horsley for that task. Then again, they probably don't want to get the evidence all messy.

...Because sex with animals is not barred by law in Washington state, no arrests have been made, according to police who nonetheless continued to investigate on Monday to determine whether any illegal activity had taken place at the ranch.

Maybe Rick Santorum should give up fighting gay marriage and just start a project to outlaw bestiality in Washington, for which his "man-on-dog" rhetoric would be better suited.

We always knew Hillary had big balls

2005-09-09T10:23:00.000-04:00

Here she proves it.

Um...yeah.

2005-09-09T00:37:00.000-04:00

They're certainly thinking outside the, er, box in South Africa:

KLEINMOND, South Africa (Reuters) - A South African inventor unveiled a new anti-rape female condom on Wednesday that hooks onto an attacker's penis and aims to cut one of the highest rates of sexual assault in the world.

"Nothing has ever been done to help a woman so that she does not get raped and I thought it was high time," Sonette Ehlers, 57, said of the "rapex," a device worn like a tampon that has sparked controversy in a country used to daily reports of violent crime.

Rapex? Wow.

Police statistics show more than 50,000 rapes are reported every year, while experts say the real figure could be four times that as they say most rapes of acquaintances or children are never reported.

Ehlers said the "rapex" hooks onto the rapist's skin, allowing the victim time to escape and helping to identify perpetrators.

If I had a penis, I'd definitely be cringing right now.

"He will obviously be too pre-occupied at this stage," she told reporters in Kleinmond, a small holiday village about 100km (60 miles) east of Cape Town. "I promise you he is going to be too sore. He will go straight to hospital."

The device, made of latex and held firm by shafts of sharp barbs, can only be removed from the man through surgery which will alert hospital staff, and ultimately, the police, she said.

I can just imagine that.

"Doctor, doctor, I have a sharp object attached to my penis!"

"Are you choking?"

"No, I'm serious!"

(Sorry, I seem to have mixed up my "doctor, doctor" jokes...heh.)

Ehlers, who showed off a prototype on Wednesday, said women had tried it for comfort and it had been tested on a plastic male model but not yet on a live man.

Uh, I wonder why?

Perhaps the US should volunteer its president and head of FEMA to test out the device.

...But the "rapex" has raised fears amongst anti-rape activists that it could escalate violence against women.

"If a victim is wearing such a device it may enrage the attacker further and possibly result in more harm being caused," said Sam Waterhouse, advocacy coordinator for Rape Crisis.

Other critics say the condom is medieval and barbaric -- an accusation Ehlers says should be directed rather at the act of rape.

And I can imagine a woman who's pissed off at her husband, a la Lorena Bobbitt, using it just for spite...

But even with those possibilites, it may still be worth it. Anything that reduces rape is a good thing. It may be time to prepare for a lot of South African men running around with their legs crossed.

And if we in the US can use it on the members of the administration who have been raping our country for the past five years, all the better.

Finally some good news

2005-09-06T23:33:00.000-04:00

California Legislature Approves Same-Sex Marriage Bill

Why the Onion is better than real news, part #983,406, 821

2005-09-06T23:03:00.000-04:00

Screw copyright laws, I'm just going to copy & paste it all.

God Outdoes Terrorists Yet Again

September 7, 2005 | Issue 41•36

Louisiana National Guard Offers Help By Phone From Iraq

BAGHDAD—The 4,000 Louisiana National Guardsmen stationed in Iraq, representing over a third of the state's troops, called home this week to find out what, if any, help they could offer Katrina survivors from overseas. "The soldiers wanted to know if they could call 911 for anyone, or perhaps send some water via FedEx," said Louisiana National Guard spokesman Lt. Col. Pete Schneider. The Guardsmen also "would love to send generators, rations, and Black Hawk helicopters for rescue missions," but, said Schneider, "we desperately need these in Iraq to stay alive." Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld praised the phone support, but noted that it would take months to transfer any equipment from Iraq to New Orleans, saying, "You fight a national disaster with the equipment you have."

Government Relief Workers Mosey In To Help

NEW ORLEANS—Federal Emergency Management Agency director Michael Brown, leading a detachment of 7,500 relief workers, moseyed on down to New Orleans Monday afternoon. "Well, I do declare, it's my job to see if any of these poor folks need any old thing," Brown said from his command rocker on the command post porch, adding, "Mighty hot day, ain't it?" Follow-up teams of emergency relief workers are expected to begin ambling into the Gulf Coast region as early as this weekend. "They should be getting the trucks good and warmed up anytime now, and they'll be cruising into town just as soon as all the reservists stroll in," said Brown, who is currently at his desk awaiting offers of food, water, and evacuation buses to roll in from "somewhere or other."

Refugees Moved From Sewage-Contaminated Superdome To Hellhole Of Houston

HOUSTON—Evacuees from the overheated, filth-encrusted wreckage of the New Orleans Superdome were bussed to the humid, 110-degree August heat and polluted air of Houston last week, in a move that many are resisting. "Please, God, not Houston. Anyplace but Houston," said one woman, taking shelter under an overpass. "The food there is awful, and the weather is miserable. And the traffic—it's like some engineer was making a sick joke." Authorities apologized for transporting survivors to a city "barely better in any respect," but said the blistering-hot, oil-soaked Texas city was in fact slightly better, and that casualties due to gunfire would be no worse.

White Foragers Report Threat Of Black Looters

NEW ORLEANS—Throughout the Gulf Coast, Caucasian suburbanites attempting to gather food and drink in the shattered wreckage of shopping districts have reported seeing AfricanAmericans "looting snacks and beer from damaged businesses." "I was in the abandoned Wal-Mart gathering an air mattress so I could float out the potato chips, beef jerky, and Budweiser I'd managed to find," said white survivor Lars Wrightson, who had carefully selected foodstuffs whose salt and alcohol content provide protection against contamination. "Then I look up, and I see a whole family of [African-Americans] going straight for the booze. Hell, you could see they had already looted a fortune in diapers." Radio stations still in operation are advising store owners and white people in the affected areas to locate firearms in sporting-goods stores in order to protect themselves against marauding blacks looting gun shops.

Another Saints Season Ruined Before It Begins

NEW ORLEANS—Front-office executives of the New Orleans Saints football team provided a much-needed dose of normalcy Monday when they announced that, for the 23rd year running, the Saints season had been ruined before it began. "I'd say this is even worse than when Mike Ditka traded away all our draft picks to get Ricky Williams," said Saints vice president of pro-personnel operations Bill Kuharich. "But there's one thing we Saints can always rely on: our chances for a winning season being shitcanned before we play a single down. We're proud to have carried on with this tradition despite everything." The National Football League has declined the Saints' "mercy rule" request to be allowed to forfeit all their home games, saying the team must set an example for its home city by being blown out in every contest.

Shrimp Joint Now Shrimp Habitat

NEW ORLEANS—Big Etienne's, a popular stop for New Orleans-style jambalaya, shrimp po' boys, and gumbo, has become a near-perfect habitat for Penaeus setiferus, the ubiquitous white shrimp used in jambalaya, shrimp po' boys, and gumbo. "It's far too early to call this a bright side, but the restaurant's location on the Delta, combined with its rickety, shabby-chic fisherman's décor, have combined to create a serviceable ecosystem for this particular species of marine life," said Juanita Colon of the Federal Department of Fisheries. Colon said if floodwaters recede significantly, many New Orleans parking lots would be suitable locations for the cultivation of dirty rice.

Bush Urges Victims To Gnaw On Bootstraps For Sustenance

WASHINGTON, DC—In an emergency White House address Sunday, President Bush urged all people dying from several days without food and water in New Orleans to "tap into the American entrepreneurial spirit" and gnaw on their own bootstraps for sustenance. "Government handouts are not the answer," Bush said. "I believe in smaller government, which is why I have drastically cut welfare and levee upkeep. I encourage you poor folks to fill yourself up on your own bootstraps. Buckle down, and tear at them like a starving animal." Responding to reports that many Katrina survivors have lost everything in the disaster, Bush said, "Only when you work hard and chew desperately on your own footwear can you live the American dream."

On a less serious note

2005-09-06T20:12:00.000-04:00

A friend sent this along, and I couldn't help but be amused:

Still crying

2005-09-06T00:26:00.000-04:00

Because I'm such a fucking crybaby. And my getting upset doesn't do the victims of Katrina any good, and that just makes me feel worse.

It's all so fucking depressing, from the suicides of two New Orleans police officers to evacuees forced to leave behind their pets to conservatives blaming the victims to the larger horror of nationwide poverty.

This is just too much. I'm going to bed now.

Sorry for not being funny. Sometimes I just don't have any funniness in me. Maybe I'm a hypocrite because there are always terrible things going on, and there's no reason I should suddenly lose my sense of humor now.

But it's not that I haven't been having fun recently--it's just that when I go online and look at the news and the blogs I usually read and get ideas from, it's all tragedy and incompetence and too much that's depressing and whatever I might find or make up about the sex lives of politicians seems tiny in comparison.

So maybe the real me is coming though a little more than it usually does. Oh well. Maybe I'll go back to making dirty puns when this all blows over (see, I just made one) and maybe I won't. I'm too tired to figure it out right now. I feel like I shouldn't be so much myself in such a public forum, that I should be keeping up the Boinkette persona, but right now I just can't.

Just overwhelmed right now...

2005-09-05T19:08:00.000-04:00

"Read Bob Herbert and cry," my mom said this morning as she looked through the paper.

"I already read Frank Rich and cried," I said. "Literally."

I cried for the city and the coast that didn't have to be destroyed by Katrina.

I cried for the lives lost due to the sheer fucking incompetence of this administration. This was not a matter of left or right, just sheer fucking incompetence.

I cried because a part of me had always known that Bush would leave our country vulnerable, whether to a terrorist attack or some other disaster. That was the part of me that canvassed in New Hampshire before and on Election Day, desperately trying to prevent the reelection of an incompetent, ideological, uncaring president. That was the part of me that sobbed like a baby at 3 a.m. when the networks called Ohio for Bush and I know that not only the Democrats but America had lost.

I wished like hell that Kerry or Gore were president--I knew that even the indecisive, overthinking Kerry could never have been as slow to respond to a catastrophe as Bush was. If Kerry were president, the Louisiana and Missisippi National Guard would be ready to help their home states rather than fighting an unecessary war in Iraq. And surely a Democratic Congress could not have turned such a blind eye to funding levee maintenance and hurricane preparation in the first place, an omission that was a direct result of Reagan-inspired small-government Republicanism.

But even that might not have been enough to prevent the unnecessary tragedy of Katrina.

I cried for the social inequality that allowed thousands of the underpriveleged to be left behind while their wealthier neighbors fled the storm. So much for No Child Left Behind.

I cried for the country that never cared enough about its poor to elect a government that would protect them, a government that might have sent buses or trains or planes so that no resident would be unable to follow the decree of mandatory evacuation.

I cried for the racial divide that meant that, despite decades of civil rights efforts, the residents stranded in the flooding city were mainly poor and black.

I cried for the failures on so many levels, so many more than I can list here, that led New Orleans to become the living hell it is now.

I don't know what to do anymore but cry.

Yeah, I haven't been posting in a while

2005-09-02T14:11:00.000-04:00

I've been busy, with a bit of blogger's block to boot.

But I'm sure eventually some tidbit of dirty news will catch my eye again and inspire the usual joke-cracking and innuendo.

So be patient, and in the meantime, have fun!

Why I love Wes Clark

2005-08-28T20:58:00.000-04:00

Not only does he wear both tight t-shirts and cuddly-looking argyle sweaters, but he has good ideas.

A man with a plan for Iraq--now that's hot.

As usual, the Onion provides better news than actual news sources

2005-08-27T23:28:00.000-04:00

U.S. Blowjobless Rate at All-Time High:

Damn, that never would have happened when Clinton was in the White House.

Only in, er, Bangkok

2005-08-24T23:53:00.000-04:00

I wish our government was this interesting:

Thailand's prime minister is trying to ferret out a government minister who allegedly had a penis enlargement procedure, saying news of it is affecting the Cabinet's reputation, a news report said Wednesday.

"Who did it? Tell me," Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra told his ministers at Tuesday's Cabinet meeting, triggering a round of banter and causing some to squirm in their chairs, The Nation newspaper said.

Talk about asking hard questions.

...Speaking to reporters after the meeting, Agriculture Minister Sudarat Keyuraphan said no one had admitted to the enlargement procedure. Other ministers joked about various suggestions on how he could be identified.

Maybe they should bring in Monica Lewinsky.

Now I'm confused

2005-08-24T16:40:00.000-04:00

It turns out that Cindy Sheehan was most likely lying about not having made the anti-Israel remarks attributed to her.

Whatever. I give up. In any case, regardless of those specific remarks, I've gotten the feeling that her views are pretty far out on the liberal fringe.

It's hard to blame her--thrown into politics by the death of her son, she was drawn to the far left and adopted its dogma without thinking.

But that's exactly why I find it hard to get too enthusiastically behind her, for reasons similar to those Mike argued on his blog, Popular Music Musings. For Sheehan, the personal is so important that it supercedes the search for truth. That's her right as a grieving mother, but that doesn't make her a great public figure to stand behind.

Jonathan Chait has a column in the LA Times arguing that the Sheehan movement is heading down the slippery slope toward judging ideas by their messengers rather than their content. He makes a good point about the shallowness of a movement based on the supposed moral authority of its leader:

There are parents of dead soldiers on both sides. Conservatives have begun trotting out their own this week. What does this tell us about the virtues or flaws of the war? Nothing.

Or maybe liberals think that having served in war, or losing a loved one in war, gives you standing to oppose wars but not to support them. The trouble is, any war, no matter how justified, has a war hero or relative who opposes it.

What's troublesome is that although I agree with him on the overuse of the moral authority justification, it's obvious that a grieving mother protesting the war gains far more media attention than activists or academics doing the same--and in this TV-obsessed age, that means a lot. If we Democrats want to start winning, we also need to start winning the war of public perception, and publicity magnets like Sheehan's protest catch the attention of ordinary people.

Because of that, I can't help rooting for Cindy Sheehan a little bit even as I wish she weren't the one representing our cause. Sometimes I think we just have to pull ourselves out of our slump no matter what the cost, and if Sheehan will make Bush look bad in the public eye and raise awareness about this awful war, the more power to her. After all, as the old saying goes, the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

But in the end, that isn't enough. In the end, we're still a mainstream party using a radicalized grieving mother to further our political goals.

I wouldn't want people like Cindy Sheehan running the Democratic party, nor do I think she will reflect well on us in the long run once the media spectacle has faded.

Even wower

2005-08-24T11:43:00.000-04:00

You have to go over to Pandagon, where Jesse demolishes the arguments of a bigoted UNC professor he calls "Boinking Studies Guy."

In a column denouncing the Women's Studies Department's support for a film about transgendered students, this guy seriously--and multiple times--refers to the male genitalia as the "hoo-hoo dilly."

What more can I say?

Wow

2005-08-24T01:27:00.000-04:00

Via Wonkette, a quite impressively in-depth (so to speak) condemnation of solo sex.

I'm surprised anyone spends so much time thinking about it. But knowing the tendency of the repressed rightwing mind to obsess over all things sexual, I shouldn't be.

Abstinence-only organization busted

2005-08-24T00:58:00.000-04:00

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services has decided to stop funding an evangelical-run abstinence-only program called the Silver Ring Thing (yes, that really is its name--apparently Jesus Says Keep It In Your Pants Until You Get Hitched doesn't have quite the same, well, ring to it) because it was directly promoting religion.

Nice.

William Smith, the vice president for pubic policy for The Sexuality Information and Education Council of the U.S., had this to say:

"The Silver Ring Thing's program activities are just the tip of the iceberg in exposing what the federal abstinence-only- until-marriage programs are all about. The American people have endured a lack of oversight of these programs by our government for far too long. It is our hope that the decision to suspend funding to the Silver Ring Thing is the first of many, and that HHS will reexamine its entire portfolio of these unproven, and potentially harmful, programs."

Hmm, "tip of the iceberg"? Yes, you could call it that...

The amazing letter-writing vagina

2005-08-22T03:16:00.000-04:00

Yes, a conservative blogger's nether regions have spoken out in favor of abstinence before marriage, with such great wisdom as this:

I was given to you in order for you to give to one and only one man. Please know that the blessings you receive from this are greater than one can imagine. I am not to be shared among many, I am not to be taken foregranted. If you adhere to God's plan for me, I will in return bring you great joy.

Amanda at Pandagon tears apart the genital missive with delicious snark. It's not to be missed.

So much for spreading freedom

2005-08-22T02:06:00.000-04:00

Proving that they like to screw over women abroad as well as at home, the Bush administration has given the Iraqis the go-ahead to sell out women's rights:

Iraqi leaders said they had also reached a tentative agreement to relegate marriage and family matters to adjudication by clerics, an arrangement opposed by secular leaders and women's groups here, Iraqi leaders said.

The tentative agreements on Islam were brokered by the American ambassador, Zalmay Khalilzad, according to a Kurdish negotiator who spoke on the condition of anonymity, citing the delicacy of the talks. The Kurdish leader said that in both cases, Mr. Khalilzad had sided with Shiite leaders in backing a more expansive role for Islam. That, the Kurd said, angered many of the secular-minded Iraqis who have been fighting for a stricter separation between Islam and the state.

Julien's List has the scoop on what the rule of Islamic law would likely mean for Iraq:

Women will:

1. Not be allowed an education (even writing or reading in most cases)
2. Not be allowed to drive
3. Not be allowed to be seen anywhere outside their homes without the shroud of a burka
4. If a woman is raped, she will be the criminal, not the man who raped her
5. Under Islamic law, if a women is even accused of adultery, she is killed - usually by a father or brother or uncle, and this is okay - women are not allowed into a court to defend themselves

Maybe it's about time for Bush to stop bragging about how he helped liberate the women of Afghanistan and Iraq by overturning their governments.

Either that, or maybe it's about time for him to actually demand women's rights in Iraq, because oppression of women indisputably goes hand in hand with poverty and terrorism.

I have no jokes to make about this--it's just fucked up.

Gotta love it

2005-08-22T01:34:00.000-04:00

For once, someone is complaining about not enough nudity in the arts:

LONDON - The advertising watchdog has rejected a complaint for an ad for the ballet 'Naked', made by someone who was disappointed that the performers stayed fully clothed throughout the show.

A member of the public from Surrey complained about the leaflet promoting the Ballet Boyz production of 'Naked'. It had shown the title of the ballet, with the letter "A" formed by dancers who appeared to be naked and in a pose that seemed to be sexually suggestive.

The complainant said that the image was not taken from the ballet. Furthermore, she objected that the show "contained no scenes of an adult nature, as stated on the leaflet".

The Advertising Standards Authority turned down the complaint saying that, despite no nakedness, the ballet was sensual in its nature.

"Because it understood that the back projections for the performance featured dancers who were naked from the waist up and the general tone of the ballet was sensual, the authority concluded that readers were unlikely to be materially misled by the leaflet," the ASA said.

The Onion, as funny as ever

2005-08-21T13:08:00.000-04:00

Rumsfeld Makes Surprise Visit to Wife's Vagina

Is Singapore the new Amsterdam?

2005-08-21T12:49:00.000-04:00

Well, not yet, but it is having its first ever Sex Expo:

Staid Singapore will host its first-ever Sex Expo in November after receiving in-principle approval from the tightly-controlled city-state's authorities, a local newspaper reported Sunday.

Yes, they do like things tight, don't they?

The Singapore police have already imposed certain conditions for organizers -- no obscene acts can be put on display and all exhibits and promotions will face government scrutineers, the Straits Times newspaper reported.

I'm sure those government scrutineers get more enjoyment than they would admit to from looking at all those potential promotions.

...The exhibition will feature furniture "designed to enhance lovemaking" and an erotic toy section, the paper said. An exhibition on the history of condoms is also scheduled for show.

Hey, better than the wingnuts in America who like to pretend condoms don't exist.

Singapore, a tiny, wealthy Southeast Asian city-state of 4.2 million, has been attempting to shake off its well-known stuffy image, and officials say they are trying to loosen the shackles to cater to a generation exposed to overseas influences.

Shackles, huh? Exposed? Sounds like a good time to me.

But restrictions abound: Cosmopolitan magazine can only be sold if wrapped to avoid browsing by minors, and programs like HBO's "Sex and the City" and "Six Feet Under" have been screened with cuts by the country's censors.

Cosmo condoms? That's a new one.

Singapore also outlaws oral sex and homosexuality.

But that's no fun.

Officials say its citizens want censorship. Police could not immediately be contacted for comment.

Yeah, because they were too busy milking the lizards while screening all the posters for the expo.

Sigh...it seems my serious post was all for nothing

2005-08-16T02:05:00.000-04:00

Cindy Sheehan, in a CNN interview that I found via Daily Kos, claims she never made the statement about Israel:

COOPER: You were also quoted as saying, "My son joined the Army to protect America, not Israel. You get America out of Iraq and Israel out of Palestine and you'll stop the terrorism." How responsible do you believe Israel is for the amount of terrorism in the world?

SHEEHAN: I didn't say that.

COOPER: You didn't say that? OK.

SHEEHAN: I didn't -- I didn't say -- I didn't say that my son died for Israel. I've never said that. I saw somebody wrote that and it wasn't my words. Those aren't even words that I would say.

I do believe that the Palestinian issue is a hot issue that needs to be solved and it needs to be more fair and equitable but I never said my son died for Israel.

COOPER: OK, I'm glad I asked you that because, you know, as you know, there's tons of stuff floating around on the Internet on sites of all political persuasions.

SHEEHAN: I know and that's not -- yes.

COOPER: So, I'm glad we had the opportunity to clear that.

SHEEHAN: Yes, and thank you because those are not my words. Those aren't -- that doesn't even sound like me saying that.

It took me a minute to believe it, but the official transcript of a TV show that thousands of people surely saw seems as reliable a souce as any.

It's a big relief, although it just goes to show how much misinformation is going around the web, and that in itself if worrisome. It also doesn't change the fact that there is a lot of those sentiments on the left, even if Sheehan herself didn't voice them. But I feel a lot better about supporting Cindy Sheehan now. And at least I got the chance to start an interesting discussion that turned out to be about far more than the original quote.

A part of me wishes I had never read about any of this in the first place and just saved all the unease and hassle. But I suppose 'tis better to have been misinformed and corrected than never to have been misinformed at all...or something like that.

Well, well

2005-08-16T01:31:00.000-04:00

It turns out it's porn, not what you do while viewing it, that makes you go blind:

Researchers have finally found evidence for what good Catholic boys have known all along – erotic images make you go blind. The effect is temporary and lasts just a moment, but the research has added to road-safety campaigners’ calls to ban sexy billboard-advertising near busy roads, in the hope of preventing accidents.

The new study by US psychologists found that people shown erotic or gory images frequently fail to process images they see immediately afterwards. And the researchers say some personality types appear to be affected more than others by the phenomenon, known as “emotion-induced blindness”.

Vacation time!

2005-08-15T22:36:00.000-04:00

Yup, I'll be away for a few days...don't get into trouble! ;-)

To keep you occupied while I'm gone, here are some cute kitten pictures.

Turkmenistan celebrates its melons

2005-08-15T02:33:00.000-04:00

No, not those melons--the actual fruit.

Turkmenistan's authoritarian leader on Sunday congratulated citizens of the ex-Soviet republic on the Turkmen Melon Day he established to honor the favorite fruit of the sun-drenched Central Asian nation.

The nation currently grows 500 varieties of melon, including the Czar Melon, grown to honor President Saparmurat Niyazov, and the Golden Age, meant to symbolize prosperity under the president, the Agriculture Ministry said.

"Let the life of every Turkmen be as beautiful as our melons," Niyazov said in a statement.

Now that's a motto I think most Americans could live with.

I must be missing out on something

2005-08-15T01:42:00.000-04:00

Where is that sexual chaos that the conservatives now claim is overruning colleges?

"The pressure on college youth to practice unhealthy behavior is much more intense than most adults realize," said Dr. Joe S. McIlhaney Jr., founder of the Medical Institute for Sexual Health in Austin, Texas.

Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) are common among college students, as are alcohol abuse, "date rape" and depression, he said.

Parents, university personnel and others who care about the well-being of young adults have to act, Dr. McIlhaney said. He offers a list of ideas, including a return to single-sex dorms and bathrooms, more abstinence and pro-marriage messages and parent-led "inspector committees" to track high-risk health behaviors on all U.S. campuses.

Single-sex dorms? Yeah, because students can't walk from one dorm to another to have sex. Actually, maybe having only single-sex dorms would be beneficial to students because they'd get more exercise on their way to hookups, thereby staving off the obesity epidemic.

Dr. McIlhaney isn't the only one concerned about sexual libertinism on campus.

Theology professor Vigen Guroian has decried "the sex carnival that is college life today."

Um, yeah, most college social life includes elephants and midgets and tigers jumping through hoops of fire.

Colleges once denounced debauchery, Mr. Guroian noted in an article on the ChristianityToday.com Web site. "Today, colleges not only turn a blind eye to this behavior but also set up the conditions that foster and invite it," wrote Mr. Guroian, who teaches at Loyola College in Baltimore.

Indeed, college guidebooks talk about top "party" schools, while campus groups boldly advertise sex-toy sales, "fetish" fairs and other sexually oriented activities.

But those are fun!

Seriously, though, I think there are worse things in the world to worry about than dildos. Most of those fairs and activities promote a healthy, feminist view of sex that the rest of the world should really take a lesson from.

The article goes on to quote the rather aptly named author of a book about campus life:

Barrett Seaman, author of a new book on "excesses" in campus life, sees all this but offers a more complex portrait.

Yes, coed dorms can be rife with "hookups" and underage drinking, Mr. Seaman writes in "Binge: What Your College Student Won't Tell You."

But in his visits to residential halls on 12 college campuses, the former Time correspondent also saw many dorms with adults on site, enforced "quiet hours," lounges filled with late-night talking and dormmates treating one another "more like brothers and sisters than sex objects."

University officials are "very attentive" to campus behavior problems, partly out of fear they will be sued for not protecting students, said Mr. Seaman. "What they have to do is be as prophylactic as possible, in any way they can. No pun intended."

That Mr. Seaman is a clever one, ain't he?

The rest of the article talks about binge drinking and STDs, which I'm all for reducing. Certainly drinking too much makes it hard to get it up, and that alone should be enough reason to drink responsibly. Safe sex is good; sober sex is good. So is alliteration, but I digress.

In other words, the second page of the article presents some quite reasonable viewpoints about genuine problems that college students face, but the first page describes the same hysterical fundamentalists who have opposed openness about sexuality since the dawn of time. Every generation, they bemoan the wild habits of youth, while those young people have their fun and then quietly grow into responsible adults. I'm just glad we've come a long way since the days when such repressive attitudes were the norm.

Dude, where's my dildo?

There's something about Massachusetts

2005-08-14T16:03:00.000-04:00

Even the swans have same-sex marriage!

Yup, Boston's famed swan couple Romeo and Juliet have turned out, under scientific testing, to be Juliet and Juliet.

How cool is that? Perhaps once the homophobes see that same-sex swan pairing hasn't destroyed traditional avian pairings, they'll be a little more open to gay marriage. After all, what's good for the goose is good for the gander.

Rick Santorum might have some isues with emulating the behavior of animals, but hey, he can go fuck a dog.

Serious, off-topic post of the week

2005-08-14T02:11:00.000-04:00

Because sometimes I do think about things other than giant penises and Rick Santorum's man-on-dog fixation.

Last night, while taking a walk, I came across a vigil for Cindy Sheehan . The protesters, amid candles and flag-draped coffins, were standing in solidarity with her for 24 hours. I was glad to see this display of support and went over to talk to the protesters, one of whom was surprised that I knew who Cindy Sheehan was.

I hadn't been following the Sheehan story all that closely, but I was starting to feel a great admiration and sympathy for this woman who had been personally affected by the war in the deepest way, who was doing everything in her power to end it. (Whether or not I think pulling out immediately is a good idea is another story, but in any case I think Bush fucked up this war mightily, so even if I have a few differences in opinion with others who oppose it, we have the same basic goal.) I had been reading various links to right-wing bloggers and pundits denouncing Sheehan with growing indignation--how dare Michelle Malkin say Casey Sheehan wouldn't have wanted his mom to do this?--and starting to see her as something of a hero, a lone voice in the Texas wilderness crying out for humanity.

Then, today I found this little rant from a letter Sheehan had written to Nightline:

Am I emotional? Yes, my first born was murdered. Am I angry? Yes, he was killed for lies and for a PNAC Neo-Con agenda to benefit Israel. My son joined the Army to protect America, not Israel.

It's the same dilemma all over again, ever since the days when I couldn't bring myself to join the first anti-war protesters in part because so many of them were also anti-Israel. Just when I was starting to feel an inspiring sense of solidarity with my fellow lefties, I got a glimpse of the ugly anti-Israel bias that is too common on the left.

And this was the last place I wanted to find it.

I didn't want the pure mission of a grieving mother trying to prevent other parents from suffering her loss to be marred by the chilling ignorance of those who blame Israel for America's problems. I wanted to be able to get wholeheartedly behind this woman who had the guts to challenge the chickenhawk who sent her son to die. I didn't want to think there could be anything to criticize about this brave woman who had borne an unbearable loss and was working tirelessly to prevent others.

But now, I just feel disillusioned and alienated again from my own side--the people who claim they want peace yet attack Israel for defending itself against a culture of violence that ultimately wants its destruction. I hate Bush and his pet war as much as the next person, but I have no doubt that if anti-war protesters with the mindset of Cindy Sheehan ruled the world, Israel would be thrown to the wolves of Palestinian terrorism in an instant. And innocent people would continue to die because of the hypocrisy of liberals who confuse neoconservatism with Zionism.

There has to be another way. I know various fellow liberals--both online and in the real world--who don't buy into the anti-Israel lies, and fortunately the great majority of elected Democrats continue to support Israel, but there's a sickening amount of anti-Israel sentiment among the grassroots left, much of it far worse than Cindy Sheehan's brief reference. I'm sure it had something to do with the increased percentage of Jews who voted for Bush in 2004. I don't want it to pervade U.S. policy along with the ideals that I do share with such liberals--a woman's right to choose, equal rights for gays and lesbians, progressive healthcare and education policies, respect for science, protections against corporate greed, an end to unecessary war. Nor do I want to be driven into the arms of the Republicans, who I hate with a passion for the havoc they are wreaking on our country and the world.

I want there to be another way, a movement of sane progressives who understand what Israel is up against--and what we are all up against, because no matter how fucked-up Bush's response to it, the threat of Islamic fundamentalism is very real--but I don't know if that will ever happen. Right now, I just feel torn.

Republicans are pricks

2005-08-14T01:00:00.000-04:00

At least that seems to be the message, however unintentional, that the College Republicans at Roger Williams University are sending by their latest publicity stunt: a life-size organ named Testaclese that they created to promote a conservative, anti-feminist speaker.

Frankly, if I saw one of those wandering around, I think I'd run and hide. Friendly giant penises can be amusing, but friendly Republican giant penises are a little scary.

To think these kids are the future of our country...

Playing with his hose on the job?

2005-08-13T03:07:00.000-04:00

If I were the guy in the photo, I'd sure tell Bush where to stick it.

There is absolutely nothing I can do to improve on this post

2005-08-13T02:51:00.000-04:00

So go over to Pam's House Blend and read for yourself about the pastor who "couldn't keep his pious pickle in his pants."

LaBarbera's back

2005-08-13T02:46:00.000-04:00

Yup, it's that wingnut who likes to visit gay S&M conventions, back with some new observations:

...As I strode down Halsted street at Market Days, I came upon a man who was "MC" for the Cell Block stand. "Cell Block" is a Chicago "leather bar" catering to sadomasochists. The man had the words "Sex Pig" tattooed" on his back, signaling his "sexual orientation" toward the most extreme homosexual acts, which are way to gross to describe here.

Sounds like something Santorum spends a lot of time thinking about.

...At the table for the Howard Brown Health Center, I picked up a flier titled "A Men's Guide to Safer Leather Sex." The same group distributed a card for TYRA, the Transgender Youth Resource and Advocacy Group, "a support group for transgender and questioning youth." Gee, I wonder what kind of answers the pro-transsexual folks at TYRA and Howard Brown give to the "questioning" youth that enter their doors.

Youth that enter their doors, eh? We know where this guy's mind is...

Cheney's got a man-date too

2005-08-10T14:35:00.000-04:00

He's gazing a little too dreamily at the new Saudi king:

"Give me some of that oil, Abdullah! It makes such good lubrication..."

That dirty New York Times

2005-08-10T00:48:00.000-04:00

There's just nothing I can add to make this sound any dirtier than it already does:

Mahmoud Abbas, the Palestinian president, urged his people to ensure calm for Israel's pullout from Gaza, saying a smooth Israeli withdrawal would bolster the image of Palestinians in the world and hasten the coming of an independent Palestinian state.

Damn, I want a job at the NYT more than ever now. I am in awe of those people.

Bush has a man-date for his energy bill

2005-08-09T14:36:00.000-04:00

There's definitely some energy between Bush and Pete Domenici:

NY fundraiser may raise more than funds

2005-08-09T14:30:00.000-04:00

Well, you gotta hand it to those New Yorkers--they sure are creative:

NEW YORK - With his campaign for city council going no place fast, Victor Bernace felt he needed something special to spark interest in his next fundraiser. How about exotic dancers?

The New York Democrat said Saturday he plans to have bikini-clad go-go dancers and men in nothing but briefs at a "Havana Night" campaign party next month at a Manhattan nightclub.

There will be no nudity at the $20-per-head event, Bernace said, but he promised "a sexy, erotic show."

$20-per-head, huh?

"I'm throwing a fun event. Most politicians — I've been to their fundraisers, and they are boring," he said. "People can go with a standard politician who will disappear into the woodwork. I'm trying to be part of the next generation."

..."I'm not running for mayor in a small, old-time religious town in Utah. I'm running in New York City," he said. "I might as well try to energize a different base."

Yes, you could call it that....

Proof that Republicans have itty-bitty johnsons

2005-08-09T13:45:00.000-04:00

Well, not exactly, but close enough:

ITHACA, N.Y. -- Threaten a man's masculinity and he will assume more macho attitudes, according to a study by a Cornell University researcher.

"I found that if you made men more insecure about their masculinity, they displayed more homophobic attitudes, tended to support the Iraq War more and would be more willing to purchase an SUV over another type of vehicle," said Robb Willer, a sociology doctoral candidate at Cornell. Willer is presenting his findings Aug. 15 at the American Sociological Association's 100th annual meeting in Philadelphia.

"Masculine overcompensation is the idea that men who are insecure about their masculinity will behave in an extremely masculine way as compensation. I wanted to test this idea and also explore whether overcompensation could help explain some attitudes like support for war and animosity to homosexuals," Willer said.

I always knew that conservatives were compensating for something. Silly Republicans, dicks are for Democrats.

I couldn't have said it better myself

2005-08-09T01:33:00.000-04:00

"Mr. Sharon should be congratulated for standing firm and proceeding with the Gaza pullout."
-NYT

Bush's poll numbers need Viagra

2005-08-09T01:28:00.000-04:00

No matter how hard he tries to keep his polls up, they just keep drooping.

Is that like Googling yourself?

2005-08-09T01:16:00.000-04:00

New Jersey gubernatorial candidate Doug Forrester has just found out that his self-financing may be illegal.

What is it with these New Jerseyites? First it was McGreevey's gay version of typical Jersey corruption, and now Forrester's "financing" himself?

Damn, the stinky highway isn't the only thing that's dirty in Jersey.

Some guys just don't want to pull out

2005-08-08T03:02:00.000-04:00

And sometimes they'll even quit the Israeli Cabinet over it.

Well, you know how those hard-liners are....

Wingnut takes too much pleasure in researching sexual "deviancy," example # 218,349,517

2005-08-08T01:10:00.000-04:00

Peter LaBarbera, the founder of Americans for Truth and Executive Director of the Illinois Family Institute, seems a wee bit obsessed with gay S&M. So obsessed, in fact, that he went to the International Mr. Leather conference to do some "research":

I decided to go down to Chicago on Memorial Day, the last day of IML, to gather evidence on this twisted event.

Gather evidence, huh? Sure, that's what they all say.

As you can imagine, this idea didn't go over too well with my wife.

I wonder why?

Anyway, I arrived at the Hyatt Regency, and made my way down to where the IML vendors were set up in a vast "Leather Market," which was open to the public and mentioned in the Tribune's Red Eye story.

You only wish you were "open to the public."

I paid my two-dollar entrance fee and passed by a femmy "leather" guy who was happily greeting visitors with the line, "Welcome to the WalMart of porn!" At the vendors' area, I found booth upon booth--there were over a hundred--selling whips, handcuffs, electric "torture" devices, leather "hoods," etc., a veritable cornucopia for the deviant. The man was right: there was also tons of the most disgusting pornography imaginable for sale at reduced prices, right there are at the glitzy Hyatt Regency!

Yes, and I'm sure you loved it.

...Why expose International Mr. Leather?

Because you know you want to. You just know you do.

Anti-Santorumites protest, well, doggedly

2005-08-08T01:03:00.000-04:00

This protester goes for the obvious:

But these two have a much more subtle use of props:

FBI searches Jim West's house

2005-08-05T23:12:00.000-04:00

They've taken his computer--I bet they want to search his, er, hard drive.

Those dirty College Republicans

2005-08-05T22:35:00.000-04:00

They like to eat each other's ties.

.

Bush still refuses to take a lesson from Santorum

2005-08-05T13:00:00.000-04:00

See how he's holding the dog at the level of his own head?

That clearly means he considers it his equal and wants to marry it, and poor Santorum has failed in his lifelong goal of prevention human/canine lovin'...

Pro bono, eh?

2005-08-05T12:29:00.000-04:00

It turns out Mr. 100% White Conservative Nominee has a not-so-conservative history:

WASHINGTON, Aug. 4 - Judge John G. Roberts Jr., the Supreme Court nominee, gave advice to advocates for gay rights a decade ago, helping them win a landmark 1996 ruling protecting gay men and lesbians from state-sanctioned discrimination.

Judge Roberts, at the time an appellate lawyer for the Washington firm of Hogan & Hartson, did not write legal briefs or argue the case, lawyers involved said. But they said he did provide invaluable strategic guidance working pro bono to formulate legal theories and coach them in moot court sessions.

Ooh, he "coached them in moot court sessions"--scandalous!

The left-leaning SCOTUS mystery

2005-08-04T03:16:00.000-04:00

Slate's Dahlia Lithwick asks, "What makes tough conservative justices go soft?"

Thinking about Katherine Harris, probably.

Quote of the Day

2005-08-04T01:39:00.000-04:00

"President Bush nominated John Bolton as the new ambassador to the U.N. He did it while the Senate was in recess. Democrats say President Bush circumvented the system to get his way. And President Bush says that's ridiculous. I've never circumvented anything, I'm not even Jewish." --Jay Leno

I think I'm traumatized for life

2005-08-04T01:06:00.000-04:00

Damn Don Imus for making me think about Rick Santorum's sex life:

When Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Pa.) appeared on the program Monday to talk about his new book, It Takes a Family: Conservatism and the Common Good, Imus noted that “you have six kids. Can I ask a personal question?”

Assured that he could, Imus asked, “Have you had sex with Mrs. Santorum more than six times?”

A nonplussed Santorum answered “yes” and left it at that.

Dear God.

I really can't imagine what would inspire anyone to get it on with him more often than necessary to reproduce (and who would really want to help create evil little Santorum-spawn anyway?), but to each her own, I guess....

You know what they say about politicians with big war chests....

2005-08-03T03:08:00.000-04:00

Big chances of running for president!

Evan Bayh, the Senate's official #1 Hottie Besides Obama, is apparently amassing quite a large one.

How much wood could a woodpecker peck if a woodpecker could peck wood?

2005-08-03T01:01:00.000-04:00

I have a feeling I may be running afoul of copyright laws by posting this NYT editorial in its entirety, but it's just too funny not to. I can't even add anything.

Q. Knock, knock.

A. Who's there?

Q. Ivory-billed woodpecker.

A. Ivory-billed - what? No way. You're extinct. Some folks from Cornell said they had found you in Arkansas, but all they had to prove it was their own choked-up testimonials and some shaky video footage. Four seconds of a blurry bird on a tupelo tree - and wait, was that Bigfoot in the background? Maybe that's how they do ornithology at some schools, but a few experts - like Richard Prum of Yale and Mark Robbins of the University of Kansas - found the report highly dubious. You're a product of wishful thinking. A mirage. Or if you do exist, you're not ivory-billed at all. You're pileated.

Q. Well, pileate this, you jerk. Hear that double knock? And that distinct nasal "kent" call? Kent! Kent! It's me, the most glorious, mysterious, yearned-for bird in North America, back from the grave, living happily in the White River National Wildlife Refuge. You doubters all went public and then, blam: they pulled out the audiotape. Listen.

A. Wow. You're right. It's indisputable.

Q. Now don't you feel embarrassed.

A. Not really. Skepticism is how science works. Anyone who claimed to have found you should have expected to be run through an evidentiary wringer. And so they were. Anyway - glad to have you back. Hope it's for good.

Q. Glad to be back. Knock on wood.

Boy, those Israelis sure are clever

2005-08-03T00:11:00.000-04:00

An Israeli artist has come up with a counterpart to the Vagina Monologues:

Rafael Milo-Amar said on Tuesday that his one-man show, The Holy Phallus, was inspired by a disparaging remark one of the Israeli actresses in the local production of Eve Ensler's celebrated play had made about the male member.

"She said there was nothing to say about the penis. I told myself, 'I have something to tell her about the penis'," Milo-Amar told the Jerusalem Post.

And it seems like he found a good actor to play the, ahem, part:

Reviews have been mixed and Milo-Amar reported casting problems before he settled on bald-headed actor Yuval Cohen.

"At the end of shows people come and tell me, 'Wow, what a great penis you are.' I take that as a compliment now," Cohen told The Jerusalem Post.

Ohio results: Hackett couldn't quite hack it

2005-08-02T23:46:00.000-04:00

But oh, he got soooo close.

Results of Ohio's election still not in yet

2005-08-02T20:12:00.000-04:00

But I want them to be in...I won't be satisfied until they're in, all the way, every last hard number.